make me your patsy.
Movie Lines
make me your patsy.
From People
From Books
From Film

Memorable lines from movies I love and hold more dear than most people.  And a few bad ones I'm addicted to.

I'm the most dangerous man in this prison. You know why? 'Cause I control the underwear.
-Inmate, American History X
 
Otter: He can't do that do that to our pledges.
Boon: Only we can do that to our pledges.
 
Bluto: Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.
 
Otter: I think this situation absolutely requires that a really futile, stupid gesture be done on somebody's part!
Bluto: And we're just the guys to do it.
 
Dean Vernon Wormer: As of now they're on Double SECRET Probation!
-Animal House
 
Robin Harris: If you don't tell me where your little brother is, I'm gonna beat the black off you, and you're gonna look lighter than Michael Jackson.
 
Robin Harris: I ain't never been glad to see the cops before. But I was sure happy then. Happier than a runaway slave, papers and all.
-Bebe's Kids
 
Josh: I heard two noises coming from two sperate areas of space over there. One of them could have been a deer, but the other one sounded like a cackling.
Heather: No way!
Josh: Yeah, it was like a serious cackling.
Heather: See, my problem is that I sleep like a fucking rock.
Mike: If I heard a cackling, I would have shit in my pants!
 
Heather: I'm not allowed to smoke, but Mike's allowed to fart as much as he wants?
Josh: I gave Mike no fart allowance.
 
Mike: Let's not call him "the Captain," you illiterate TV people. It's "the Skipper."
-Blair Witch Project
 
Joliet Jake: I want to buy your women... the little girl... your daughters. Sell them to me. Sell me your children.
-The Blues Brothers (All lines from that movie actually, just thought this one deserved a little something)
 
Almost everyone: You'll shoot your eye out.
 
Schwartz: I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!
-A Christmas Story
 
Winston: Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes!
 
Peter: We've been going about this all wrong, this Mr Stay Puff's OK, he's a sailor, he's in New York, we get this guy laid we won't have any trouble.
Egon: Don't cross the streams.
 
Ray: Listen. You smell something?
Ray: Everything was fine, until the powergrid was shut off by dickless here.
Mayor: Is this true?
Peter: Yes it's true, this man has no dick.
-Just a few from Ghostbusters
 
Ray: Ungrateful little yuppie larva. After everything we did for this city.
Winston: Yeah, we conjured up a hundred-foot marshmallow man, blew the top three floors off an uptown high-rise, and ended up getting sued by every city, county, and agency in New York.
Ray: Yeah... but what a ride.
 
Peter: Hey, she's tough. She's a harbor chick!
 
Peter: Oh, come on. There's always room for Jell-O!
-Just a few from Ghostbusters II
 
Daisy: Which do you like better? Taking a dump alone or with Valerie watching?
Susanna: Alone.
Daisy: Everyone likes to be alone when it comes out, I like to be alone when it goes in. To me, being in the cafeteria is like taking a poop with twenty girls all at once.
 
Cynthia: I'm a sociopath.
Lisa: No, you're a dyke.
 
Lisa: Some advice, okay? Just don't point your fuckin' finger at crazy people!
Lisa: "Razors pain ya, Rivers are damp, / Acids sting ya, Drugs cause cramp, / Guns aren't lawful, Nooses give, / Gas smells awful, Ya might as well live."
 
Janet: That's not fair! That's not fair! That is *not fair*! Seventy-four is the perfect weight!
-Girl, Interrupted

Scarface: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you, I'm out!
-What the fuck wasn't great about Half Baked?  Truely a classic.

Rob: Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? Well, I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.

Barry: Rob, I'm telling you this for your own good, that's the worst fuckin' sweater I've ever seen, that's a Cosby sweater.  A Cossssssssssssby sweater!

Rob: I can't fire them. I hired these guys for three days a week and they just started showing up every day. That was four years ago.

Barry: Sub-question...is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins; is it better to burn out or fade away?

Barry's Customer: Hi, do you have the song "I Just Called To Say I Love You?" It's for my daughter's birthday.
Barry: Yea we have it.
Barry's Customer: Well, can I have it?
Barry: No, actually, you can't.
Barry's Customer: Why not?
Barry: God. Do you even know your daughter? There's no way she likes that song. Oop, is she in a coma?
-High Fidelity

All those damn songs from Joe's Apartment.

Howie: On the Long Island Expressway there are lanes going east, lanes going west, and lanes going straight to hell.

Gary: I think he's trying to say it's not politically correct to fuck your sister.
Kevin Cole: We're not even old enough to *vote*, so that's a stupid joke Blitzer.
-L.I.E.

Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.

Michael Bolton: "PC Load Letter"? What the fuck does that mean?

Steve: Hi, my name is Steve. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off it and trying to stay clean. That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions.

Milton Waddams: Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler...

Peter Gibbons: I cannot believe what a bunch of losers we are. We're looking up "money laundering" in the dictionary.
-Office Space

Teddy: This is my age. I'm in the prime of my youth and I'll only be young once.
Chris: Yeah, but you're gonna be stupid for the rest of your life.

Grown Gordie: I never had any friends later on like those I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?

Grown Gordie: Finding new and preferably disgusting ways to degrade a friend's mother was always held in high regard.
-Stand by Me

Burt: Food for five years, a thousand gallons of gas, air filtration, water filtration, Geiger counter. Bomb shelter! Underground... God damn monsters.

Valentine: STAMPEDE! Stampede, Earl! Get out of the way, get out of the way!
Earl: You dumb shit. I was in a stampede once. Five hundred head, all hell-bent for the horizon.
Valentine: Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more? Is there a minimum to beat?
Earl: I wish they'd stampede up your ass.

Rhonda: They only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we... distract them somehow?
Valentine: Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a... like a decoy!
Earl: Hey Melvin... wanna make a buck?

Valentine: Good morning Mr. Bassett, this is your wake up call. Please move your ass.
-Tremors

Burt: I am COMPLETELY out of ammo. That's never happened to me before.
-Tremors II

Tim: What's pathetic about it?  This used to be our city, the city of our dreams.  Filthy and fucked up, but we could always see the horizon.
-Was tun, wenn's brennt?  (translated)

Michael Collins: Bullshit! I'm Minister for Gun-Running, Daylight Robbery, and General Mayhem.

Michael Collins: If they shut me up, who will take my place?

Michael Collins: Go easy on the riddlin, boys.
-Michael Collins

Beldar: If I did not fear incarceration of human authority figures I bring pressure to your blunt skull and cause it to collapse!
-Coneheads

Michelle: Listen you little spazoids. I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you.

Tommy: I can't believe he called me a psycho.
Richard: Hey were you in there just now-you are a psycho... and comb your hair.

Tommy: Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.
-Tommy Boy

Steve: Are you or are you not the Black Angel of Death?

Mike Donnelly: That's one small step for man! One giant... I have a dream!

Mike:  Kill Whitey!
-Black Sheep

Lance: Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?

Chad: Hey, what's up dude? Hey dude, check this out. Last night we're at this party, and little Arlo here, he decides to like confess his undying love to me. Did I tell ya he was a fruitcake or what?
Arlo: Bro, that's not true. This is the real story dude. Chad crashed at my house right, and I woke up in the night, he was fondling my...
Chad: Dude, I lost my keys. I was looking for 'em.

Bud Brumder: Got any beer, coyote ugly?
-Orange County

Babe Ruth: Heros get remembered, but legends never die.

Babe Ruth: Let me tell you something kid; Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either because they're too scared, or they don't recognize it when it spits on their shoes.

Ham Porter: You're killing me Smalls!

Phillips: You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!
-The Sandlot <3  Greatest movie ever.

Loki: Do it - Do it and I'll fuckin' spank you.

Jay: We figure an abortion clinic is a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be there unless they like to fuck?

Bethany: You were martyred?
Rufus: That's one way of putting it. Another way of putting it would be to say that I was bludgeoned to death by huge fucking rocks.

Bartleby: Quit leering at me. People are gonna think I just broke up with you.
-Dogma

Randal: Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.

Dante: You know what the real tragedy of this day is? I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Dante: You're a danger to both the dead and the living.

Video Customer: OOOOH! NAVY SEALS!

Dante: What's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?

Sanford: What do you care, you shoe polish-smelling motherfucker?
-Clerks

T.S. Quint: How is it that I go from the verge of hot Floridian sex with Brandi to man of steel coital debates with you in the food court?
Brodie: Cookie stand isn't part of the food court.

Brodie: That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. I mean, look at you. You're the kind of guy who would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own.

Brodie: You're gonna listen to me? To something I said? Hasn't it become abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit?

Brodie: Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.
-Mallrats

Rent-boy: People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shit which is not to be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid.

Rent-boy: It's SHITE being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low. The scum of the fucking Earth! The most wretched miserable servile pathetic trash that was ever shat on civilization. Some people hate the English. I don't. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers. Can't even find a decent culture to get colonized by. We're ruled by effete assholes. It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy, and all the fresh air in the world won't make any fucking difference!
-Trainspotting

Amsterdam Vallon: When you get all of the Irish together, we don't got a gang, we got an army.

Amsterdam Vallon: When you kill a king, you don't stab him in the dark. You kill him where the entire court can watch him die.

Walter McGinn: I've got forty-four notches on my club. Do you know what they're for? They're to remind me what I owe God when I die.

Amsterdam Vallon: ...And no matter what they did to build this city up again, for the rest of time, it will be like no one even knew we was ever here.
-Gangs of New York

All that copyright bullshit that usually stays on the screen for 5 minutes prior to viewing.